Saturday, September 8, 2012

Saying NO Without The Guilt!

For many, the word "NO" is one of the most difficult to say. Sometimes, there are those cases where we are caught off guard by those people who won't take "NO" for an answer. But it's time to learn those people who are master manipulators and learn how to put your foot down, the next time you get to them face to face.

So, meet the master manipulators and know the best responses.

  • The Flatterer - He/She says how smart you are and he/she would appreciate your help on a volunteer project he/she is involved with. Or your friends will become so disappointed if you don't make those special food recipes for a party.

    They say flattery goes both ways, so turn the tables! :). So, say something like "you're such a fabulous cook...I could give you the recipes, why don't you try your hand at it? I'm sure they would love them.
  • The Guiltmeister - Your friend or loved one insist that you never call them, or you don't spend your time with them and they tell you while you're together having lunch!

    It helps to ask an insight from a friend. It's also good to step back and get perspective. If it seems like a bigger minefield than you know how to handle, consider talking to your psychotherapist to help you sort out.

    According to Dr. Newman, "you can't do enough for some people, so don't attempt to try". Arguing is useless...and you'll never win! So, calmly tell them how it's going to be. Tell something like; " I'd rather don't have this same argument over and over again. If we can't talk something better, let's hang up and call back when we can." Or tell your friend "I'm sorry you feel this way, but I try to see you as much as I can."

  • The Saboteur - They are those who try to validate their choices by making you do what they do. For instance, you are strictly committed to lose weight but every time you go out with them they would try to get you to order dessert and say "just this one time can't hurt."

    Be a leader and not a follower. Saying "no" isn't about being selfish but about self respect. Stand firm and then redirect the conversation. Just say "no, thank you, tea is just fine for me. Are you going to watch that famous movie this week? I wonder if it's really good."

  • The Whiner - Your co worker gets a lot of difficult tasks and whines how unfair it is to her and why she's the only one who gets the hard tasks. She keeps saying until you would finally offer to help just to make her stop complaining.

    Here's something to think about: This has nothing to do with you. It should be between your co worker and her boss and it's up to her to deal with it. The next time she starts rolling again, say something like; " why don't you set up a meeting with your boss to see if you can sort it out?"

  • The Bully - Bullying can take many forms. They use their anger and intimidating demeanor to get you to do more than you want.

    A bully wants to get under your skin,so don't let him see you sweat. Don't respond in anger and don't allow yourself to be browbeaten into doing something you don;t want to do. A calm, quiet, firm, neutral voice is more powerful than a loud "NO", which conveys more of self-control and strength. Tell them something liek; "I don't appreciate being treated this way. So, come back when you calm down...or I think I've made myself clear - I won't discuss it anymore."

So, there you go...learn to be aware of those that manipulate! The next time you tend to say "No", learn the consequences and know the type of people that can't take "no" as an answer!